THE WEDDING RING

I have to say this year began on a blissful note, well that’s because I love to overlook setbacks .I was presented the honour to grace the wedding of my brother and friend, Davies as best man .In truth I have had no real marriage fantasies especially since I got exposed to the reality of it through movies and many real life marriage stories, but then being a part of this occasion and looking at the role I played, I gave a more positive approach to marriage. I am not saying I am now ready for marriage or anything for I happen to be too young for the matter and by having written this article I do not want to appear omniscient, but open minded.

 Last week one contact on my bbm had a dp with a girl in a wedding dress captioned “every girl dreams of wearing this dress”. It’s this serious right? Surely the dress comes after the ring. I dug deeper by questioning some ladies on bbm and whatsapp what view they exactly had on that ring. Some said they dreamed about it every night and would be depressed if they never ever got married. Others thought it would grant them love without restrictions. There was an interesting and unique view when one said they had not prioritized marriage because the only difference they saw between marriage and cohabitation was the name change, and as we are taught God would be happy if a couple got married. In a nutshell, it was a great survey and many thanks to all those that offered cooperation.

From the survey, I could tell that many girls dreamed of obtaining the ring sometime in the future. The ring is like a reward to them or a token of eminence is my conclusion. Pragmatically, the ring comes to the well deserving. I mean a man will not just pop the question just because he has to, but because he has thought prudently about the situation. A normal man with a thinking filter will not bring home to his parents a girl who cannot be distinguished from girls in a Snoop Dog video or a girl whose major influence is Rihanna. I am basically talking about how ladies want to dress these days. Yes you have your rights, but the fact is that poor dressing will cost you. You ladies should know that exposing your body too much is not the best strategy to express your beauty. Like actress Garcelle Beauvais said about Beyoncé’s recent ‘ sexified image’  “ There is so many ways to be sexy without being overt about it”  .Well just to remind you, beauty is never permanent, so that party will be over sooner or later. You don’t have to be risque in your dressing. Be respectable as you ought to be.

Every time I see some of our girls’ pictures on social networks, I try to imagine who will be so unfortunate to marry them in that state. I wonder if they know how honourable their bodies are meant to be. They simply undress for trivial 100 likes on Facebook, Instagram or wherever, while some wise women are out there getting credentials and making money. Shout out to all the women out there that realise just how much valuable and honourable they are. You may be perceived as foolish today, but you are the star tomorrow.

Now this ‘proverbs 31’ portrayal has come with a bang. I want to say ‘proverbs 31’ is not a title or an identity, but a lifestyle of a real woman that fully deserves that ring. No judging, but you will find a loose woman identifying herself by that. A proverbs 31 lady is not in the club every Friday night, present at every party and is drunk most of the week. How would she ever be able to manage a home if she actually was that way?

During the survey, one said people should neither be forced into marriage nor marry young. One important thing I learnt from Davies was that good things are worth waiting for. I could see just how much everyone in his family regarded this event as extremely special .You do not need to be in a rush. This goes to the guys that are not fully mature. Just because you got a job or money is no reason to marry. Marry because you are sure you have to, fully confident about it and with your parents blessing. There are some men who marry a good woman and after two years claim they made a wrong choice only to go on a search of another leaving their wife broken-very unfair. The foundation of your marriage affects the stability and survival of your marriage. We should take a leaf from the marriages of our parents and those old people who have lived together for twenty years and more. For many of them, divorce is alien. You have to marry for love, not buying wives. There is nothing that hurts worse than being loved for your money, because once you go bankrupt, she will leave you, but a ‘proverbs 31’ will stick with you because she loved you for what you were.

A close friend of mine told me they just want to have children and not marry, but with all due respect, I find that ridiculous. How would one be too cruel or selfish as not to afford parenthood for the sake of their child which their parents actually offered them? So really it is the question of maturity and wisdom on our part as men. Another friend told me she has no interest in marriage as she is independent. Be wise! Money can never be a substitute for a man, because in the first place you don’t have to necessarily get married for financial support, but love- if you receive my meaning.

This topic may have come as a shock to some of you, but then so many things on my mind have to be released. So the ready, mature and old enough out there can do us the favour of yet presenting us real weddings. To all the women, good things come to those that wait. Just wait upon the good Lord and that ring will surely come, from a genuine man and in the words of one preacher, Phil Hunt “…and it will be beautiful”.

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YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT PAIN IS

What do you know about pain when you never saw little lacy who on a fateful day arrived home from school, into her uncle’s arms-because she loved him. Naive and innocent she had no idea that people are the predators to fear; well the same went for close ones you loved. She had never suspected good turned to evil, but she of all kids had to witness the proverbial reality at a tender age, fully unprepared, not that she had to be. She was only 9, but the uncle she loved raped her. She learnt of the reality of this world the hardest and disheartening way any human being could undergo. Little Lacy was someone’s daughter, sister, grandchild or friend. She was paid pain for her love and trust. Today is her 21st birthday those tears never leave, you don’t know what pain is.

Bad food has an upper hand than pain; at least you can puke it out. Alex had been intelligent all his academic life. He never came across failure nor had an idea what it tasted like. As things were, he was simply a stranger to it and apparently, they would never meet. Many parents wished Alex was theirs; he was an inspiration to his siblings, the envy of his peers and the pride of his parents. Alex was sponsored to university by a big company which promised him a big job upon the completion of his study. On the contrary, Alex struggled Just in in his first year. He was in a completely different world. His friends became strange, his lecturers alien. Even the people that were beneath him during high school caught up with him on his way down as they went up. Alex and failure finally met, they held hands. He lost his scholarship and his big job. No one was patient enough to fathom what happened because the world was busy expecting too much from him. He was only 19, but Alex died of depression, you certainly don’t know what pain is.

Think about the old lady whose eldest son went studying to Scotland, but unlike Alex came back successful. No sooner had he even put his acquired credentials to use than he passed in two weeks after graduating. The ‘pain-well’ had not dried up just yet. Her two married daughters died and left behind grandchildren-orphans.  As if it wasn’t enough, another of her sons died of marital depression. She only has two children left before she is left all by herself, for her husband is gone too. Yes, we don’t know what pain is.

Mary has more hope than the old lady, she is optimistic even after 4 different men cheated on her many a time on different occasions. Would you handle your lover leaving you for your best friend? That is betrayal at its zenith. A couple of years later, Mary meets Malik who seems to fit in her dreams. Finally, her optimism is paying off as it is her wedding day. Most weddings survive the part where the priest asks anyone in the audience to speak or forever be silent, even the much guilty weddings do, but not Mary’s. Malik actually has a baby mama, a wife and a girlfriend. Today Mary won’t cry, she will just faint. Love birds, you don’t know what pain is.

Rick is finally doing fine in life. He has landed himself a job as a driver for a certain manufacturing company. He earns himself extra money by picking up passengers during his deliveries. At the police check point, marijuana is discovered hidden beneath the driver’s seat. Rick has been set up. He gets 5 years imprisonment with hard labour, while the culprit passenger goes away free. You don’t know what pain is.

Pain moves with us, tempts us, teases us, uses us, but we still don’t know what pain is completely because it hits us all differently. We can’t appease pain. For no one is too corrupt for pain,you can never bribe it. Endure it knowing that one day it will all be over, because we don’t really need to know what pain is. Live every happy moment. Allow it to sink in deeply. Never be too coy for happiness, you don’t want to know what pain is.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

A debate that at the core of every heart lies the pursuit of happiness is unnecessary. Pragmatically, many would agree, that happiness is actually a constant struggle. As kids we read fairy tales whose ending became obvious in due course; ..and they lived happily ever after”, but sorry to crush the party folks because in reality, no one gets to live the end of a fairy tale as you may have noticed. As you evolve into an adult, happiness tends to have its seasons. One minute your sentiments are in elation, the next they are in melancholy.

Sayings like “never trust people that always seem happy” are really not hard to come by. Everyone knows that being happy every time is not only abnormal, but also surreal. Ironically, everyone knows that there is nothing wrong with being happy every time. I know the last two statements seem contradictory and equivocal, but the fact remains that in spite of it not being the norm, everyone wants to be happy all the time. That being happy every time is surreal carries much more weight to me because it implies two things.

Firstly, a person happy every time implies that they are an exemption from myriads of disheartening experiences life has to offer. The first anatomy you make is that their happiness is simply a facade. It is just improbable because they seem fake and alarm skepticism in us,the people around them. Life hits us hard many a time and robs us of the right to smile, laugh or basically be happy. We pretty much know that no one is an exception of this-maybe only these people? We may have just programmed ourselves to believe that happiness is not an infinite stream, but then it is the experiences we face that eliminate the programming.

Secondly, these people are living proof that we are in control of our happiness and that we can live life like it never happened- if you receive my meaning. Being in control of your own happiness is not allowing any one take it away from you; it is putting everyone’s thought of you beneath you. We are living in a world where people, including ’13 year olds’, claim to have around them what is termed as haters. Well no one is allowed to kill your vibe unless you let them. Some people lack self-esteem and put so much belief in what others think of them or appear to them. Many a time we are far much better than our critics or ‘haters’. If people speak evil of you when your deeds are not even in that direction, know you are in the right path and put your head up. Do not be gloomy over unworthy triviality. If it helps you, believe you are the best in the world, prettiest in the world, most handsome in the world because self-esteem really is important. Always be at peace with yourself and others around you. Forgive, love, apologise, commend, ignore irrelevant folly and do it over again.

To be happy, you simply do not have to do what makes you uncomfortable.

  1. Hate your job, quit.
  2. Not comfortable with your course, start a better one.
  3. Not happy with your relationship, try to work it out, failure to which you leave. There is no reason to cheat on any one, if you are being cheated on, you do not deserve it.
  4. Not happy with school, quit if you are as innovative as Steve Jobs or learn to love it
  5. If being around some people make you uncomfortable, do not be around them or let them know so they can treat you better
  6. Always speak your mind, know where you stand
  7. Always know what’s good for you, it is called having standards.

When you look at these few points, life seems simple, but then that is what it is .It is the simple things that take away our joy. You only live once on earth and with this short period of your life, make sure you are happy. When you know what is good for you, pretty doesn’t hurt anymore, your pursuit of happiness would then be successful.

Always live in the moment.Laugh hard when you have the chance,love hard when you have the chance,just be happy.

The path to happiness is straight forward.

The path to happiness is straight forward,only open your eyes and see.

 

 

NOTE:IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTION,OR STRONGLY DISAGREE WITH ME ON SOME POINTS IN ANY POST,YOU CAN SIMPLY CONTACT ME ON MY TWITTER OR LEAVE A COMMENT.A GOOD ANALYSIS WITH YOU IS WELCOME.