Loneliness

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Do you ever feel alone? That when a certain song plays, it smears melancholy all over you. Ever found in a situation where you wish someone was in it with you, but no one is so you have to struggle on your own to survive? Do movies give you a reality check because they are more perfect than your life, because even the loser finds a lover, when the undeserving have friends and you don’t? You are left chewing on loneliness.

So you ask yourself, “What is wrong with me? You wonder if you are repulsive. You wonder what you have to change about yourself in order to be accepted. You have no roots at all to hold you because the wind always blows you away and away to places strange. The only friend you have is loneliness.

Rose receives flowers. She’s already a flower, but she gets more. Deep down you yearn for that call. What a pleasant surprise it will be when he calls. It doesn’t matter if his will be a strange number. You don’t know if you are desperate or not, it may be wishful thinking or not, but all you know is you are hopeful. Yet, still swimming like a small fish in loneliness.

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How you fell in the same mess as another being, but that other being had a hand to pull them up. So you were left in that pit alone. “Why couldn’t things change for a second? Why won’t someone die for me?” You ask, but no one answers, because you live in loneliness.

So you decide to change your questions. “Why don’t I be my own hand out? Do I really need them? You realise that unlike many people, you fought your own battles. When everyone thought your ship was sinking, you did sink it, but built a stronger one. When they thought their presence controlled your happiness, you replaced them, you know what with. When they said you couldn’t do it on your own, your success spoke for you. When they said you couldn’t be on their team, you were your own team and you still beat them. When they said you weren’t good enough to be with them, you realised they really meant the opposite because they were just blind. You realised you were just as good in your loneliness.

So you said. “It is actually cool to be a loner”. How the bonds you wished for started breaking in others. What you thought was their strong friendship came crushing down like a building hit by a bombshell. What you perceived as love was exposed for the disloyalty it possessed and what looked like family was only sugar coated on its surface, and had no beauty beneath. You were better off in your loneliness.

Fake couldn’t touch you. You were actually wining. You proved to us all that there was nothing wrong living in loneliness and we admire you for it. Because even when we had friends, family, lovers, we still live in loneliness periodically.

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