7 requisites for a REAL relationship

Love is a game that two can play and both win-Eva Gabor

Love is a game that two can play and both win-Eva Gabor

    (1) LOVE: Well if it’s not about love just do both yourselves a huge favour and save valuable time by splitting up. You watched love comes softly and thought “hey! It’s worth a try”, but I am saying, are you mature enough to patiently wait for love to set into your nest? You have been together for 6 months and no shades of love had appeared. A relationship devoid of love is the worst way to waste time. Love is the magnet between you two; it is the basis of your relationship. Without love, they will do whatever to hurt you without even giving it a second thought. Love is easier expressed in actions than speech. When a man loves his lady, he will do everything for her, open her car door, get her gifts, show her off and today’s people will say, “Oh dude’s whipped”. There is nothing wrong with being whipped to her if she really loves you.

    (2) Communication: “hey Hun, thinking about you right now. I really miss you. Can’t wait to see your pretty face again <3. K later, Love you”. Ladies don’t you just love this? When we let you know we actually, care, love you and think you are pretty? Now imagine if the last time he sent such a text was a month ago? I can imagine some insecure, extreme girls going all crazy “so why don’t you text me no more? Who’s the h*e you been texting and not me? Tell her that when I see her I am gona tear her apart. I will cut off her arms and beat her up with them.” 😀 *rotfl*. Communication right? A marriage is doomed if communication is lacking. You see as you go on, the romance begins to wane. She doesn’t do everything she used to do for you; you are beginning to hate her hair do, her laughter irritates you. It is important to talk about such and the simplest things. It begins as a petty thing and once unpatched in good time, you will eventually desire another partner. So Talk about how you can spice things up. Don’t always do the same old boring stuff, be spontaneous and try out new things, just head in a different direction for a change. Always let your partners know you love and belong only to them, compliment them, never leave them in a position to become sceptical and insecure. Always be sorry and apologise when you are wrong. Always TALK.

    (3)Trust: I always say “Trust and Rome have one thing in common: they were both not built in a day”, be sure to quote me some day yeah :). When you were a little kid and your dad asked you to jump from a tree (you couldn’t climb down from because you got scared, I wonder why you had to climb it up in the first place. lol #Kids) into his arms, you would most definitely do that. Why? Because you obviously trusted him. This is no different in your relationship. If he told you he was going on a business trip for a month, will you grow insecure wings? Get a one degree in GPS tracking? If you don’t trust him, you will go as far as booking a flight for the next day so you can go and ‘Check-up’ on him, but with trust, you will have nothing to worry about because you believe your man will be back in one piece with no stains of other women on him. I know they teach us never to trust anyone, but you will have to trust the person who owns your heart.

    (4)Respect: If he doesn’t respect you, he will beat you, have side chicks and lie to you. If she doesn’t respect you she will stab you in the back too, date your ‘best friend’, despise you and… oh boy do I really need to stress enough? This is obvious; you know how the story goes. Respect is imperative.

    (5)Loyalty: uhm Chris Brown will preach more on the absence of that, only this time it will apply both ways because in truth, some men ain’t loyal too. But be loyal to your own, people. A relationship is between two people, call the third a devil because he/she comes to kill, steal and destroy.

    (6)Cooperation: You should learn to play on the same team. To achieve your goals, you will have to support each other. If you both can’t learn to listen to each other, you are in the Titanic. You have to acknowledge his/her views. You should be the best advisor they ever had. I personally appreciate women who are wise enough as to admonish him if he’s taking the wrong path. Just saying this because I am a guy, but it has to go both ways.

    (7)God: This deserves to be number one because without God, there is no Love and any of the above listed. PSALMS 127:1 “Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it .So let God build your relationship so it remains steady and sturdy. Always pray for one another and go to church together. No weapon formed by anyone will prosper against your relationship. Trust God.

THROWBACK THURSDAY

I like to think that if days of the week could speak, they would obviously want to voice out their amazement by the names we have attached to them, and then maybe we could have Instagram or twitter as our scapegoats.

While Monday has received so much hate from mostly students and many working folk, it will be pleased to note that it is the day that women have taken to express and reveal their crushes on men they find attractive. So Monday is actually called #MCM- Male Crush Monday as opposed to Wednesday which is called Woman Crush Wednesday. Well it’s totally up to Monday to decide if this #MCM is a cool nickname. Well if I was someone’s #MCM every week, I wouldn’t be bothered. *grins*

Now if you will please forgive my manners, 🙂 and allow let me to say good morning reader. Today is Thursday or Throwback Thursday. This is the day you dig into your past, get a photo, and share it with your friends. It could be your first birthday photo, to your prom, to your first time in college. It is all about going into the past.

Now it all depends on what kind of past moment you want to resurrect, that is why I believe #TBT comes with a certain level of complexity because it is very personal in most cases. You will agree with me that you have a whole lot of your photos that would make it to Throwback Thursday, but you decide not to share them.

See the past is a very sensitive topic; so many things can remind us of it despite their size. A simple necklace will remind you of the person in the past that gave it to your on your birthday. I believe a small thing as a picture will play a scenario of your past before you. That is how come you find it easy to caption: #LASTSUMMER #TURNTUP #AMAZING #EPIC #CRAY #YOLO #INSTAHAPPY #INSTAGOOD #GREATTIMES and so on and so forth.. and oh yeah #THROWBACKTHURSDAY.

So #TBT is so much fun, but I feel it should move to another level because it isn’t totally honest. By not being totally honest, I mean the past is presented as perfect as most of the pictures shared are of great moments. I mean this is entirely my opinion and you have the right to yours. I am writing this depending on what I am exposed to. There are some photos we took from a past occasion that we feel are embarrassing. We think they cannot make it to our Throwback Thursdays.

For example you may have been a chubby kid or battled weight gain (and I mean this in the least offensive way) and just can’t find yourself sharing that photo. You know what would be fun? To get out of your ‘comfort’ zone, to let go of that fear and personal judgement , to just let it go. You never know that that would be an inspiration to someone fighting hard to lose their weight.

What about your funniest photo. The one where you looked like Mr Bean or the Joker. 🙂 *laughs out loud* Okay the joker is too much, but you do get my point right? Throwback Thursday shouldn’t just be about the greatest moments of your life. No one’s past is purely great. At times we need to open up and just deal with our past and that’s life for you.

Anyway, I am not a lame preacher, because I practice what I preach. So, I will lead by example and share with you a picture during my school days. 🙂 I find this photo ridiculous and crazy, but I will get out of my comfort zone and simply give it to you.

So Thanks for reading, good morning again and wishing you a great Throwback Thursday. Also remember to share with me your crazy posts. Love you all. 🙂

My funniest pic #TBT LOL

My funniest pic #TBT LOL

TO THE SPECIAL LADY

I couldn’t believe in strength if I didn’t see you get up and walk again given the countless wounds your heart received.
You weren’t foolish, but full of hope every time you gave him another chance, or did falling too hard sell you out?
As tears pour down your beautiful face, you wonder why it’s got to be this way.
You invested too much only to get back so little.
Maybe loving too hard should be insured after all, or a sign should have read “CAUTION: DO NOT FALL FOR HIM, KEEP MOVING AHEAD”.



He who once whispered in your ear , “I Love you so much, I don’t ever wanna lose you”, left you for cold. He gets the award for acting distant, after all you gave him.
Why should the person holding your heart want to believe they are holding a ball to kick?
Is he blind not to see pain? Did he switch off his humanity…. Is he a vampire?
He seems more of your philosophy lecturer than your partner. The questions you’ve been asking of late really amaze me.
You may not have imagined this, but the day your efforts are in vain is finally here. The day you have to question your dignity dances in your face, because for once you doubt you are good enough for someone.
I still do not see you packing your bags. Is falling too hard a flaw?
But Inside you lives a quality greater than endurance, strength greater than strength itself, because after everything he put you through, you still hope for the best, you still love.
You told me love is beautiful, but in your state I almost thought you insane, but I realised you redefine love.
Because at times giving up is too easy, you choose not to let go. Love isn’t your weak spot, but actually your strength and there is nothing wrong with loving too much.
You are not the problem, he is.
It should be easy being superman, because superwoman here handles worse.
But please, indulge me; let me be your superman, because today I will rescue you. Today I will teach you to fly, today we are leaving.
Glad you can now finally sing enough is enough because you can say you are done in a million ways.
Maybe he needs time to grow up. Like someone told me, a weak man cannot know what to do with a strong woman.
Hey Wake up my sister, God did not create you to harbour pain, to be betrayed, or to be left alone to soak in that tormenting rain.
God want’s your beauty to glow, your love appreciated, and your joy to flow.
There should be a flaw in the system: Love unappreciated, beauty abandoned, pain inflicted is not what your type gets paid back with. I have a feeling you never waited enough upon the Lord.But don’t kick yourself; let me take you to a world that knows not the words: side or main.

Embrace the new warmth, welcome this new day. You have to heal, it may take some time, I know it feels like stepping on quick sand but it will be worth it eventually.
A princess like you belongs to only one prince and him alone to you. He patiently awaits you.
If the past ever haunts you, to it say “swerve” because the new day is too sweet to be ruined.
…To the special Lady.

LET’S TOUR YOUR MIND

Your thoughts govern your life - Aquila Ng'onga

Your thoughts govern your life – Aquila Ng’onga

Hello mate, pull out a chair, sit back and relax and…. I think you expected ENJOY as the next word, but that’s alright. Since this is 2014, btw the only dude that kissed the S5 (yeah that is a big deal for him), I need not ask for your keys (keys? Pshhh), or your password (well you know, password’s much better), but!!! , Your fingerprint- to unlock your mind.

Thank you, how cooperative of you. I also want you to know that I refuse to judge you as gullible, but instead I choose to respect this trust you have exhibited. One last thing, don’t freak out, don’t freak out. Now close your eyes and yes I hope you enjoy my ride in your mind as I hope the same for myself.

3 minutes later

Good news, thanks to your fingerprint I was promptly cleared by immigration. Bad news, as big as your mind is, there are only two streets: Positivity and negativity streets. And you guessed right, I was only allowed to start from Negativity Street thanks to your soldiers
.
“Negativity Street or we throw you out Akil”

“My name’s Aquila”

“Akil, Aquila, whatever, Negativity street it is.”

Wow, mean people there. They all sound like Terry Crews.

So far, it has not been easy to navigate through your mind. I can hardly move 2 inches without a police road block. Wait, here comes the fifth officer; I have to meet in less than 10 inches of my journey. His name is officer Melancholy. He is such a devastated individual. With a soft voice he asks me to pull over. He is so pathetic but don’t be fooled as he is also powerful. He grows bigger by the second and I doubt he will disappear soon enough for me to leave. After something that seems like 5 hours though it’s only been 30 minutes, this dude disappears and I speed off before he resurfaces. I am told he appears a lot often.

Negativity Street is not your average street. It’s like a street in India filled with hundreds of people- you just can’t move through at your own speed or maybe it’s like a third world country road wounded with potholes that won’t allow you to make it to your destination at your time of convenience. Now that you get the picture, brace yourself I am about to meet officer doubt.

Officer doubt I’m told appears at this point at least once a day. I learn that she set herself a record of longest appearance at the time you applied for your accountancy Job (Coincidental? I think not.) She also has the nature of growing so big suddenly. I am fortunate because she lets me go past in good time.

It’s worth noting that there exists besties in your mind. Guess who they are? No, it’s actually despair aka incredulity, aka disbelief and officer doubt. The way they coexist is simply amazing. If you get a quick pass from doubt, be sure to get the same from despair. They kind of appear and disappear at the same time. They are like conjoined twins joined to the same heart.

Well mate, I can tell you it’s been no crystal stair confronting all these officers, but having met worry, I believe things can get worse in Negativity Street. Maybe next time I will fill you in on the confrontations I had with pain, depression, pessimism…. OMG I feel so weary, I need to rest.

Positivity Street

I am now strong enough to continue the rest of the tour. You will be pleased that the best part of your mind is so welcoming and comforting. I can’t see any cops over here. It is a free world. The first individual I met here is was a dude playing happy by Pharrell Williams in his car. It’s funny because his name is actually happiness, aka joy, aka bliss, aka elation, aka… Dude relax. He has so many akas, but all we should know is he is happy.

Unfortunately happiness appears and disappears in such short intervals. Since he is much sweeter than guys like despair and melancholy, I wonder why he doesn’t occur more often like them. I am already enjoying the small talk me and him are having. I hear despair, pain, worry, sorrow among others can’t mind their business, but usually threaten happiness to disappear.

After happiness is taken away from the scene, Hope quickly comes over to console me who takes me to Faith mall where we get some lunch. At Faith mall, hope grows so big I feel elation instantly. Hope and faith expands most at your prayers.

In comes a really beautiful girl in the café. Hope introduces me to her as serenity. She smiles so nice. She looks so immaculate. You see, I could forfeit the rest of the tour just to keep looking in her face. She also has a twin sister named Peace aka tranquillity. These two sisters are the calmest beings I have ever met in your mind. They talk so gracefully.

Faith mall is like the pillar of Positivity Street and everyone here looks dependant on him. I am so pleased to have met optimism
.
Your Positivity Street is so short compared to your negativity one. Faith and optimism said it is up to you to make it longer, but mostly you choose to expand Negativity Street.

I wish I could continue, but all good things do meet an end. I enjoyed touring your mind; I hope you enjoyed having me in there too. You can now have your eyes open.

These cops in your mind made my navigation impossible.

These cops in your mind made my navigation impossible.

Free your mind today

Free your mind today

Always aim to expand your positivity street.

Always aim to expand your positivity street.

It's all up to you to choose.You either expand positivity or negativity

It’s all up to you to choose.You either expand positivity or negativity

THE WEDDING RING

I have to say this year began on a blissful note, well that’s because I love to overlook setbacks .I was presented the honour to grace the wedding of my brother and friend, Davies as best man .In truth I have had no real marriage fantasies especially since I got exposed to the reality of it through movies and many real life marriage stories, but then being a part of this occasion and looking at the role I played, I gave a more positive approach to marriage. I am not saying I am now ready for marriage or anything for I happen to be too young for the matter and by having written this article I do not want to appear omniscient, but open minded.

 Last week one contact on my bbm had a dp with a girl in a wedding dress captioned “every girl dreams of wearing this dress”. It’s this serious right? Surely the dress comes after the ring. I dug deeper by questioning some ladies on bbm and whatsapp what view they exactly had on that ring. Some said they dreamed about it every night and would be depressed if they never ever got married. Others thought it would grant them love without restrictions. There was an interesting and unique view when one said they had not prioritized marriage because the only difference they saw between marriage and cohabitation was the name change, and as we are taught God would be happy if a couple got married. In a nutshell, it was a great survey and many thanks to all those that offered cooperation.

From the survey, I could tell that many girls dreamed of obtaining the ring sometime in the future. The ring is like a reward to them or a token of eminence is my conclusion. Pragmatically, the ring comes to the well deserving. I mean a man will not just pop the question just because he has to, but because he has thought prudently about the situation. A normal man with a thinking filter will not bring home to his parents a girl who cannot be distinguished from girls in a Snoop Dog video or a girl whose major influence is Rihanna. I am basically talking about how ladies want to dress these days. Yes you have your rights, but the fact is that poor dressing will cost you. You ladies should know that exposing your body too much is not the best strategy to express your beauty. Like actress Garcelle Beauvais said about Beyoncé’s recent ‘ sexified image’  “ There is so many ways to be sexy without being overt about it”  .Well just to remind you, beauty is never permanent, so that party will be over sooner or later. You don’t have to be risque in your dressing. Be respectable as you ought to be.

Every time I see some of our girls’ pictures on social networks, I try to imagine who will be so unfortunate to marry them in that state. I wonder if they know how honourable their bodies are meant to be. They simply undress for trivial 100 likes on Facebook, Instagram or wherever, while some wise women are out there getting credentials and making money. Shout out to all the women out there that realise just how much valuable and honourable they are. You may be perceived as foolish today, but you are the star tomorrow.

Now this ‘proverbs 31’ portrayal has come with a bang. I want to say ‘proverbs 31’ is not a title or an identity, but a lifestyle of a real woman that fully deserves that ring. No judging, but you will find a loose woman identifying herself by that. A proverbs 31 lady is not in the club every Friday night, present at every party and is drunk most of the week. How would she ever be able to manage a home if she actually was that way?

During the survey, one said people should neither be forced into marriage nor marry young. One important thing I learnt from Davies was that good things are worth waiting for. I could see just how much everyone in his family regarded this event as extremely special .You do not need to be in a rush. This goes to the guys that are not fully mature. Just because you got a job or money is no reason to marry. Marry because you are sure you have to, fully confident about it and with your parents blessing. There are some men who marry a good woman and after two years claim they made a wrong choice only to go on a search of another leaving their wife broken-very unfair. The foundation of your marriage affects the stability and survival of your marriage. We should take a leaf from the marriages of our parents and those old people who have lived together for twenty years and more. For many of them, divorce is alien. You have to marry for love, not buying wives. There is nothing that hurts worse than being loved for your money, because once you go bankrupt, she will leave you, but a ‘proverbs 31’ will stick with you because she loved you for what you were.

A close friend of mine told me they just want to have children and not marry, but with all due respect, I find that ridiculous. How would one be too cruel or selfish as not to afford parenthood for the sake of their child which their parents actually offered them? So really it is the question of maturity and wisdom on our part as men. Another friend told me she has no interest in marriage as she is independent. Be wise! Money can never be a substitute for a man, because in the first place you don’t have to necessarily get married for financial support, but love- if you receive my meaning.

This topic may have come as a shock to some of you, but then so many things on my mind have to be released. So the ready, mature and old enough out there can do us the favour of yet presenting us real weddings. To all the women, good things come to those that wait. Just wait upon the good Lord and that ring will surely come, from a genuine man and in the words of one preacher, Phil Hunt “…and it will be beautiful”.

black-married-couple-e1284821513726

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

A debate that at the core of every heart lies the pursuit of happiness is unnecessary. Pragmatically, many would agree, that happiness is actually a constant struggle. As kids we read fairy tales whose ending became obvious in due course; ..and they lived happily ever after”, but sorry to crush the party folks because in reality, no one gets to live the end of a fairy tale as you may have noticed. As you evolve into an adult, happiness tends to have its seasons. One minute your sentiments are in elation, the next they are in melancholy.

Sayings like “never trust people that always seem happy” are really not hard to come by. Everyone knows that being happy every time is not only abnormal, but also surreal. Ironically, everyone knows that there is nothing wrong with being happy every time. I know the last two statements seem contradictory and equivocal, but the fact remains that in spite of it not being the norm, everyone wants to be happy all the time. That being happy every time is surreal carries much more weight to me because it implies two things.

Firstly, a person happy every time implies that they are an exemption from myriads of disheartening experiences life has to offer. The first anatomy you make is that their happiness is simply a facade. It is just improbable because they seem fake and alarm skepticism in us,the people around them. Life hits us hard many a time and robs us of the right to smile, laugh or basically be happy. We pretty much know that no one is an exception of this-maybe only these people? We may have just programmed ourselves to believe that happiness is not an infinite stream, but then it is the experiences we face that eliminate the programming.

Secondly, these people are living proof that we are in control of our happiness and that we can live life like it never happened- if you receive my meaning. Being in control of your own happiness is not allowing any one take it away from you; it is putting everyone’s thought of you beneath you. We are living in a world where people, including ’13 year olds’, claim to have around them what is termed as haters. Well no one is allowed to kill your vibe unless you let them. Some people lack self-esteem and put so much belief in what others think of them or appear to them. Many a time we are far much better than our critics or ‘haters’. If people speak evil of you when your deeds are not even in that direction, know you are in the right path and put your head up. Do not be gloomy over unworthy triviality. If it helps you, believe you are the best in the world, prettiest in the world, most handsome in the world because self-esteem really is important. Always be at peace with yourself and others around you. Forgive, love, apologise, commend, ignore irrelevant folly and do it over again.

To be happy, you simply do not have to do what makes you uncomfortable.

  1. Hate your job, quit.
  2. Not comfortable with your course, start a better one.
  3. Not happy with your relationship, try to work it out, failure to which you leave. There is no reason to cheat on any one, if you are being cheated on, you do not deserve it.
  4. Not happy with school, quit if you are as innovative as Steve Jobs or learn to love it
  5. If being around some people make you uncomfortable, do not be around them or let them know so they can treat you better
  6. Always speak your mind, know where you stand
  7. Always know what’s good for you, it is called having standards.

When you look at these few points, life seems simple, but then that is what it is .It is the simple things that take away our joy. You only live once on earth and with this short period of your life, make sure you are happy. When you know what is good for you, pretty doesn’t hurt anymore, your pursuit of happiness would then be successful.

Always live in the moment.Laugh hard when you have the chance,love hard when you have the chance,just be happy.

The path to happiness is straight forward.

The path to happiness is straight forward,only open your eyes and see.

 

 

NOTE:IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTION,OR STRONGLY DISAGREE WITH ME ON SOME POINTS IN ANY POST,YOU CAN SIMPLY CONTACT ME ON MY TWITTER OR LEAVE A COMMENT.A GOOD ANALYSIS WITH YOU IS WELCOME.