The Cross Over

Quite surprising how today we are just five days to 2022. It feels like yesterday when our ship first docked in January for a period that seemed like three months, yet here we are. Indeed the wings of time are getting sturdier moment by moment. This has been quite a year. Yet again pain visited us in its own subtle way; myriads of loved ones we lost to Covid-19 and other predicaments. More painful was a number of young people, full of potential and in many ways better than us, who went before us. A true call for gratitude in our hearts must exist in us today. The review of the year cannot only focus on pain because that is not the only aspect it gave us, the year also sprinkled us with joy; you all have your personal victories, our boys made it to the English Premier league, another scored against Madrid and 12th August had the majority of the nation celebrating.

We are again at the point where our drafts are full of resolutions for the new year. While I do not believe in waiting for a new year to present efforts to be better, anyone who sees the need to do/become better deserves respect. Reflecting on this year, I first of all wish to acknowledge all the efforts you all have made to improve yourselves. I do not know them, but you know best. You wrestled demons, climbed mountains, swarm in danger and here you are standing at the mountain top with a sword in your right hand and the head of your opponent in your left. Surely will you not not stop putting pressure on yourself and tap yourself on your shoulder? Secondly, to those that are going ahead with resolutions, by all means. As you cook them though, allow me to throw in a few ingredients.

I believe that the best aesthetic you can add or enhance in yourself is kindness. We must be mindful of how we treat other human beings. I believe that the real measure of a man must be character and the starting point of character is how we treat others. As you think about becoming better, think about increasing your emotional intelligence. How we treat others will speak volumes about us than the personal perceptions of ourselves we preach. Our speech and actions towards others must reflect how we would love to be treated. I say sometimes that even after your demise, someone could remember the hurt your tongue inflicted on them. We therefore must be mindful of our behavior when relating with others.

You may resolve to attain a certain level of success and a key aspect in meeting your goal will be discipline. Discipline is crucial to our growth. I have this perspective that a lot of people that succeeded at something may actually not be better than those that couldn’t at the same thing. What set them apart was discipline. You must know when to stop and when to continue. You should never go with the wind, but you should be able to stand by a few personal principals. You must learn to have control of yourself. Lack of discipline limits your ability and capacity to stay on course. Whether you want to improve your grades, your self esteem, your relationship with your partner, your religious life or anything that may be your goal, you will need to teach yourself to follow personal rules.

On your journey of personal development, your self-esteem will be your impetus to attain more. I encourage people to read less of novels and more of personal development themed books including those that induce leadership. Surround yourself with kind , goal oriented and inspirational people. Ensure that you feed your mind with content that makes you believe that you are everything and can do anything. Remember that your mind is your greatest weapon, it is your compass, it is your healing and it is your growth. Therefore, make sure you nurture your mind to develop a mentality that is elite, you cannot afford not to be a god. What you listen to, what you watch, who your surround yourself with will shape your mentality. Strengthen your mentality and realise that you are a Queen and a King. Sometimes people get away with treating us undeservingly because we may not realise who we are. Let that power sprout in you to take nothing less than you deserve. Soon as you develop a great mentality, how people relate with you will change. Do not do it for the people though, but do it to expand your belief that there exists no limits to what you can achieve and to emancipate yourself.

As I conclude this blog post, I wish to encourage you all to have a heart of gratitude. There is always something to be thankful for. Recognise anyone who helped you, added value to your existence and inspired you. It doesn’t matter if you are at loggerheads with them, always remember the people that were there for you. In the same vein, cut of toxic people- just do not do it because it is a new year and new you. Anyone that costs your peace must never be tolerated. Let us free ourselves from human beings who deprive us of happiness. I wish this for you now and in the coming years. I do hope that one or two aspects I shared could be helpful and applicable in your life. God bless you all and wish you a great 2022- happy cross over.

Dear Zambian Youth

 

Dear ZW,

Compliments of the season. I hope this letter finds you in great health and …*laughter*. When was the last time you wrote or received a letter? Oh that’s right, you probably don’t remember and if you do, it’s ages ago. Boarding school people of 2010 and earlier should really relate. Hillcrest, Ibenga, Lwitikila, Fatima, Banani, Ndola Technical, St Mary’s, St Paul’s ,Simba, Njase, Lwengu, Kasisi, are we here? Remember the thrill of receiving a letter, especially from your boyfriend or girlfriend? The excitement it brought when you would make yourself comfortable just to read those words. Do not get me wrong, I do appreciate the modern days of instant messaging, but you will agree how special receiving a letter made us feel. The 2000s really missed out. 🙂

Anyway, I decided to do a letter for every Zambian youth. Ironically, it’s not in a sealed envelope to be delivered to your doorstep by Zambia Postal Services, it’s hosted on a blog site, to be delivered to your phone. At this point I realise that even if this post went viral, I wouldn’t reach many other youths because they have no access to the internet, let alone a smart phone. So my friend, count yourself to be blessed.

My friend, I understand reading is boring, but just stick a little longer and if you may, please share this link to the next youth. I will really appreciate. I just have a few points to share with you and I’m done.

I always say there is so much history to be made in Zambia by us the youths because a number of ventures remain untapped and a lot of irregularities like inequality, corruption, intolerance, etc are yet to be rectified. In short there is a lot of fields with empty tittle slots for first Zambian because, well as you understand the proverbial, we are backward in myriads of areas.

For example, the Zambian sound is yet to be sold to the world.  Young musicians have a better chance to be the next Wizkid in the near future because a number of factors are changing to their favor with time and also because they are creative. We are yet to see a National Team that will qualify for the world cup, let alone win it. We are yet to see Zambians making a break through in Scientific and economic research. We are yet to see  Zambians building Multinational Corporations and covered on Forbes.

We are yet to see a Zambia where eating healthy, efficient transportation, dressing well, efficient and affordable health care and WiFi will not be a privilege, but a right at least for the majority.  

I am convinced that if there is any real and long term change to be made, be it social, economical or political, it will be instigated by you. You and I are a generation of potential. We are hopefuls, dreamers. We see a lot of things differently, we have better solutions to problems, we are more sophisticated, more exposed and most important to note, we have grown in the errors our parents have made in our nation  and so our hearts scream change and therefore we badly want to become it. We are going to make great leaders as men and women.

The Zambian youth of today have powerful ideas, they are exposed, they are very tolerant, they do not see tribe, they believe in women empowerment, they care about the future and, they appreciate the arts, they are creators. We have people with interests in Science, Economics, Engineering, Medicine, Politics, Photography, Music, Modelling & Fashion, Developers, people with T.v shows on YouTube. They will create great things and they will make great leaders in the future. It’s all evident in some recent occurrences. The football level exhibited by the under 20 football team is something new, the work of the current Kitwe Mayor, activism of people like Brian Bweembya (B-Flow), the applicants for the EMpower 100 and many more underground creatives and young Zambian leaders around the world who never see the light of publicity.

Dear friend, to be a part of this history creation will not be accidental. You have to start now, with the first thing being the change in mindset. To prevent Cholera, you first need to clean your environment. Similarly, you need to rid your mind off thoughts that impede evolution.  You will need to eliminate negativity, be kind,and most of all to be able to see yourself as a person of value.

When you realise your self-worth, you will never allow anyone to take advantage of you and you will never allow yourself to settle for less.

Today we need to realise as Zambian youths that we have a future to lead. You owe it to the motherland to contribute something that will allow for the growth of our country. Where our country will stand tomorrow is highly dependent on how much we evolve today.

However, it breaks my heart to see youths indulge in activities of self destruction.  Youths studying abroad  are forgetting their purpose there and screwing up great opportunities that took enormous parental sacrifice. In the country, youths have found alcohol to be a great sport and are wasting time by involving themselves in illicit activities with unemployment being their favorite scapegoat. It is time we looked less to the government and made things happen on our own. A lot of success stories came from unemployment. It is all about trying.

If you will have to sale charcoal to support yourself, do it. Do not be ashamed of anyone. Yes you will say, ”Aquila, you want to make it sound easy”. Of course, mate nothing is easy. The world is hard,  but with a positive mind and resilience, you are unstopable. Kindly look up mother to son by Langston Hughes.

Learn to save, learn to invest, do not waste money to impress anyone. The most important person is yourself, my friend. Nothing matters more than your happiness. Be patient for your time, do not let Instagram posts put you in unnecessary  pressure, people just show you what they want you to see. We are all taking Ls. Be humble, learn to love, give more and take less. Read more and Spend less time debating whether or not Modric deserved the Ballon D’or, or if your crush will like you back . Begin to transform yourself into a valuable human being who will contribute greatness on our quest to see a developed Zambia.

I am a firm believer in ”nothing is impossible”. As we go into the new year, I wish you financial break through and your dreams transformed into existence and mostly your happiness. Let us be the better politicians, parents, clergy, and generally citizens we hope to see. Leave toxic associations and habits and see your level elevated.

Yours faithfully,
Aquila Ng’onga
Fellow Youth

 

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Thankful to all the youths  below for accompanying this post and making it beautiful and many thanks to the beautiful Bwalya Mapesa for being the article cover model. You can follow her on instagram by clicking here and her blog site by clicking here

1. Kabwe Mponda ”Life unfolds wherever you are, and now you’re here. Live and make the most of every opportunity”

2. Natasha Ng’onga. ‘‘Do something today, that your future self will thank you for”.

3.  Samuel Chibwe “Always be at your best in all that you do and keep the same energy, because what you give out is what you get back from this world more often than not”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Dalitso

5. Jane Mvula ‘”We should work hard, start our businesses we shouldn’t depend on the government and other people, let’s not wait to be employed we have to utilize the little knowledge we have to develop our country. Imiti ikula empanga”

6. Sandie Mulungushi Dreams do come true, you can win if you want to.

7. Abednego Chiyesu ”The moment we keep looking behind is the moment we continue remaining behind”

8. Nicoletta Katulwende ( Journalism and communication Student) ”Tomorrow is never certain.. so Carpe diem (seize the day)”

9.  James Miller

10. Bwalya Mapese “If you want to see change start with yourself and don’t let your current circumstances dictate or define you because even they change.”

11.  Tyson ”What ever you can do ,do it with excellence ”

12. Tsion “trust yourself, you know more than you think you do”

13. Simwenya Simwaka (IT officer) ”Always stay positive and work hard while at it, it’s starts in the mind”

14. Desbourne

15. Sarah Agape Phiri ”Be negative about Negativity”

16. Joel Mfune The youths need to reanimate their unleashed potential into a productive one.

17. Bwalya

18. Emmanuel Simusokwe ”we need to put in much in our Education for it is an investment in knowledge that pays off”

FRIENDSHIP

One of the most integral elements of human relations is friendship. No matter how much of an island we may be, at some point we will desire a ‘friendship’ to dock.  Friendship is very essential in multiple aspects of our lives. Friends make us smile when we feel low, they encourage us when on a daunting mission, and friends point us to a lucrative direction. At least this is what friendship should be all about and more as we look at it from a positive perspective.  It is somehow human nature that we cannot do by ourselves and to tick we need friendship, most of all nobody wants to be put to rest by a stranger.

Friendship is a tool that shapes us in so many ways. The kind of friends we choose play a role in what we may become. Energies, attitudes and personalities can be so contagious. A significant part of me today is because of the people I surrounded myself with. There is some music I listen to or some shows I watch because of some friends I met. There are also some things I believe in, do, some kind of way I talk and some things I say which I inherited from friends. This is something we can all relate to.

So the influence of our friends is something we can’t overlook. What kind of shows or music did your mates introduce you to? What kind of beliefs did they expose you to? What kind of behaviour and attitude towards life do you and your friend(s) share? The answers could be positive or negative.  We realise how a significant part of our personality is influenced by friends.  How we will present ourselves to the public will be determined by the substance we feed on with or from our friends.

The way I see it, friendship should be mutually beneficial. These days people are friends with others not exactly that they share mutual interests, but that they seek some sort of benefit or validation. I came to realise some girls wanted to be friends with prettier or popular girls so they too could seem relevant. Some guys want to be friends with another because they are wealthier and will help them in times of need. I have nothing against these agendas as long as you reciprocate the benefits.

What you do not need are burdens- friends who impede your progress.  This is where we begin to draw a line between healthy and toxic friendships. As youths we are trying so hard to build something for the future. I don’t think there has ever been a generation where youths have had huger aspirations. People have crazy dreams mostly because of the provocation they see on social media and television of the good life celebrities and other ‘happy’ and wealthier people portray.  If one ever has to achieve those goals and aspirations, they ought to be careful what kind of company they choose to keep.

If your friends are no visionaries, you are off to a bad start. It is important you choose friends that support you, believe in you and bring out the best in you. I think the most important thing really is to find friends that make you happy most of all. Talking of burdens, you do not need to be around people that the touch of evolution  always misses. You cannot be the same person you were two years ago. Growth is the most important thing. The more your friend grows the more you will be pushed to do the same, unless you are foolish enough to see that as a threat. You can’t be around people who always make other people the center of their discussion. You need to be around people that discuss ideas, make plans and believe in compassion. If the activities within your circle stay the same, you need to exit.

Learn to be thrilled by your friends’ accomplishments. This brings me to this point of unnecessary competition and jealousy. In friendship, never be imprisoned by the disease of jealousy. No matter how bad things seem for you, but great for your friends, be happy for them and simply wait your turn. Friendship is not a competition. Be kind, be generous and support your friends no matter how much your life sucks compared to theirs. Being a fake friend is evil.

 

However, great friendships are hard to come by, let alone maintain. Just like we seek a good partner in a romantic relationship, it will be imperative to find a great friend. A huge task i must add. Friendship may be beautiful, but also what sees our decline sometimes.As i conclude this article, I leave you with a quote and excerpt from The 48 laws of power by Robert Greene which is law number two:

 

 “Never Put too much Trust in friends”. “Be wary of friends, they will betray you more quickly, for they are aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and aroused to envy. They become spoiled and tyrannical.“

SO LONG 2016

 

The most amazing thing about time these days is just how fast it has begun to go by. Maybe when you get older it becomes easier to vividly remember every detail that transpired throughout the year and especially early in the year because it seems like yesterday when they did transpire. I mean it was only January 2016 a few days ago and today is the last day of 2016.

If there was ever a year I became conscious of my getting wiser, it is this one. I feel like this year has been a classroom. I may not have been a top student in it, but I still got the lecture of a life time regardless.

One of the special courses was me. I took time to understand myself. I am proud to say that I know myself better than any other time before. I will be catching up with God soon, if it were possible that is. One thing I learnt was that my social skills aren’t so good. I find it hard to converse or initiate conversation with people I feel uncomfortable with, let alone small talk. I hate small talk. I say things I do not mean while expecting the other person to perceive it a joke only to realise months later that person was hurt. ‘’why so serious though”?  I saw a meme the other week that read ‘I have a good heart, but the way my mouth is set up’.  I said I could totally relate to it.

Well, enough about me, I will keep the rest of the findings to myself.

The second course was People. Wow, I have learnt so much about people this year. It was like I was absent minded all this while.  Normally I do not feel so important to be in other people’s topics so I haven’t really been worried about that. Presently I have realised I have. I am in topics where I am discussed as proud, egocentric, arrogant, well let me just sum it up for them,  the devil. Also in other discussions, I am an inspiration, humble, determined, and focussed and all those things. The funny thing, however ,is that the people I have assisted, gone lengths to impress and please have had the most negative things to say about me. This is confusing. You know it should be the people not so close to you.

Some good things have happened to me this year. I have achieved some things and also been recognised for some of those things. I am not a sucker for praises, but I realised that it was few people who could say well done or congratulations. I can never even post my achievements on social media with a clear mind.

I have vowed that envy,  jealousy or hate never be a part of me.  The truth about being jealous is that we wish to be like another person or have something the other possesses which we do not have. In so doing, we may have created enough hate for the other person but consequently made them important. As we move to 2017 I ask you all to congratulate those who deserve, appreciate those who helped us and be humble as to learn from someone who knows better. I believe that everyone’s time will come, but who will be there to be happy for you when you already hated on everyone else?

Also if you want to know about someone, get it directly from them or you will miss the real picture. I have a friend who is so happy with how far God has brought him in life and his achievements. People say he loves to brag and label him a bad person immediately because of that, but this is a person who provides solutions to so many people and remains dependent to many, including those that do label him.

In this year, the most important thing I have learnt concerning relations with humans is to pay a deaf ear to humans for only God can handle humans and we can never please everyone. I want to encourage those who are constantly irrationally criticised, that you end up thinking you are just evil, to continue doing what you do to the best of your ability. It may be at work, church, school or anywhere because the truth is we can never completely flee impossible beings. Do not look sideways or backwards, keep looking forward and keep doing the right thing and you may put a smile on God’s face and that’s what is important. Also do not be quick to trust everyone. Know what is worth sharing and who is worth sharing to. Just like present day romantic relationships are so fragile is the same way friendships are. I never thought I could help someone only for them to talk behind my back.

In 2017 I have no time for fake people. If you have nothing to add to my progress you are already voted out. It is very important to be around people that help you grow and appreciate you. I am not saying you will meet perfect people, but do find people who try.

The other course I learnt is how we are all in our own time zone. Your timing shouldn’t be compared to others. You will make it in your own time and I pray it will be God’s timing as we all know it is the best.

I have always believed that a year is an interval we created that begins and ends, but life goes on. So I may say I will do something in 2017 only because I have started doing it now. I have no resolutions. Everything will fall into place with time. It is not like a new year is the Holy Spirit that is only possible in inducing great and instant change in us.

I am thankful to God for bringing me this far. I will never be anything without him. I am thankful to all the people that have been there to encourage and build me. I appreciate the many people that believe in me.  I pray that you all move into this new year blessed people. I wish you nothing but the best and may the almighty God bless you.

So long 2016,you have opened my eyes wider, you have turned me into a better and stronger individual.

To everyone, Happy new year!!!

 

THE JUDGING GAME

          THE JUDGING GAME
At one point or another, you may have called someone ugly, a loser, a douchebag, a snake or a hoe. Either way,you got to judge someone and if the rest of us claim you walked alone, hypocrisy won’t be enough to describe our demeanour.

Judging isn’t meant to be bad. It actually has a decent definition. According to the English Oxford dictionary, judging is forming an opinion about somebody or someone based on the information you have. See? Not bad at all. It does become bad when it is based on minimal information. For example, review the example below.

Person 1: Can you believe he took his own life?
Person 2: OMG! Such an infidel.

Person 1 lays a statement and person 2 forms an opinion based on that statement, but is this statement enough information to carry out a judgement? Person 1 doesn’t mention how depressed the suicide was and how they had no one to help them through their predicament, but person 2 is quick to call the suicide an infidel.

Real Talk

It’s actually a stereotype in society to think low of people that take their lives, i mean I used to think the same way too when I was young. While I still believe it is never right to take your life, I have been through life situations that left me imagining how easy it could be for people having it worse to see death as an exit to pain, however temporary they know  the exit can be. Some people go through mental, emotional and physical pain that they just can’t take it anymore and see suicide as a relief pill. So before you call them an infidel, relax and imagine what really pushed them to break.

DON’T JUDGE ME
A very common detail in people’s  online bios. My twitter and instagram bio has one with a sarcastic hint, it reads “Judge Yourself”. So I was thinking to myself the other day. Do we ask people never to judge us because we are just guilty or  maybe we just can’t stand the bullshit of someone as imperfect as us trying to play a righteous number on us? I personally think it is a reminder to someone to stop wasting their time. Instead of forming an opinion about someone, why not work on making yourself better? Some say “Only God can judge me”, I say “I am afraid of God”.

For Real Though!!

Like I alluded to earlier, judging is not meant to be bad. Surely let a spade be called a spade, but not call Captain Jack Sparrow a criminal when you have never even saved a life. Yes that’s a  deep  example, but whatever, I know u get it.

        NOW LISTEN UP SOCIETY
1)Just because you met two boys that screwed  you over doesn’t mean all men are dogs. Hell, your brother and father are men.

2)Why do you want to call her a hoe just because she respected and trusted you enough to sleep with you on the first date?

3)Just because I go to church on saturday doesn’t mean I am SDA

4?Just because someone consumes alcohol, a heavy smoker, goes out every weekend doesn’t mean you are better than them even when you are a frequent church goer.

5)Just because they keep to themselves doesn’t mean they are a weird, it’s not wrong to be a loner in a world that is easy to meet fake frienship

6)Just because they are South African doesn’t make them Xenophobic

7)Just because you go to church doesn’t mean you are saved

8)Dresing dandy or driving an expensive car doesn’t mean they are rich or happy

9)Just because she smiles at you all the time does’t mean she likes you. She may just be feeling sorry for you bro. So don’t go lying to your mates

10)listening to Justin Bieber or One Direction doesn’t make that guy gay.

11)and so on and so forth.

                     CONCLUSION
                     MATHEW 7:4
OR HOW WILT THOUGH SAY TO THY BROTHER, LET ME PULL OUT THE MOCE OF THINE EYE AND BEHOLD A BEAM IS IN THINE OWN EYE?

Reflect on that.

VALENTINES DAY

You realise this is my first post this year YEAH? Say this blog was my girl. I was too busy for it, kinda neglected it the past month. If my posting consistently is my expression of my love for it, you will probably say I failed it. But tomorrow is the 14th so “hey baby, I’m back”. You wanna mock that? Go ahead. You might as well remember to taunt the myriads of ‘romantic’ people in who turned Valentine’s Day into the hugest fuss of the year, like love is seasonal or something.

Valentine’s Day was better off without any romantic attachment to it. I wonder what Father Valentine would think of it now. Do I seem negative? First of all, respect and praise to everyone that is consistent and committed to their BAE, but, Shame upon all those who think consistency and true expression of love only exists on the 14, and after that the curve sinks low. Like I always say, if someone truly loves you, every day is Valentine’s Day, including your fights, they simply make your bond more robust. They are worth it, unless you are dealing with insecurities.

I think it is really ludicrous to not think of making a paradise every day, but this day. You last bought her flowers 5 months ago, your last date was the same way, but valentine’s oh Valentine’s day, you just gotta make it work. You last cooked his special treat centuries ago, but tomorrow, whoo you just wanna do it. Why? Because everyone else is doing it and you want  to show off just how ‘functional’ you are? Anyway, you are better off than those who never try, but they are being real about it though.

I met a new friend last week, her birthday falls on the 14th. Don’t think I’m dumb 🙂 I did check her NRC. BAZINGA!!!! Well, whether she lied or not, I am still getting her a gift, I would still do this, had her birthday fallen on any other day. I believe in making people happy and elating them and I don’t even expect anything in return. (I am afraid of unrequited love though, for real though)

So to me Valentines is about putting a smile on people’s faces whenever you have the opportunity and that opportunity is never restricted to the 14th.

Some Crazy meme reads “Valentine’s day is around the corner, so if you are secretly in love with me, now would be the time to speak up”.
Like really? Is this the only day you think you deserve to feel special? (Do you sense the fuss now?) I hope all that admit they do are not quite your type. Lol .

If I really like someone, I will not till valentine’s day, I will let you know (if you not much of a trip that is 🙂 ). Why wait for FEB next year giving room to a confident Jerk to steal who you may never know might turn out to be mind blowing and enterprising? Do you guys really get the gist? By the way, shout out to whoever is hoping to escape the mighty FRIEND ZONE tomorrow, good luck with that. If you believe the 14th is magical, in the words of Michael Sata, “I’m sorry” 😀
I also can’t wait to see people dressed in red. lol Especially that man from Lusaka, red suite, red shirt red tie, red shoes,red umbrella and red plastic carrier bags lol Could this get any crazier?

Valentines day is beautiful though, at least we get to see that the world isn’t as cold as the stories from the news, that traces of love do exist, but please don’t make a fuss. Enjoy tomorrow everyone and keep loving. Love conquers all,remembering John 3:16 is the ultimate blueprint.
I will end this on a light note “Blessed are the boys who date seventh day girls for they shall be at church the all day on Valentine’s day and will only get to see them on sunday.” Lol

Love is the flower that is never out of season.

 

BEAUTY STANDARDS ARE BULLSHIT PART 2

And I mean everywhere.

One thing a female model will admire about me these days besides my face *wink* is my appetite. If you have seen me lately you can actually agree with me as my physical appearance says it all. I am not insinuating that I was the burly type before and then shrunk, but you all know I am kinda slim- if you know me. Recent remarks I get from people that last saw me a year or many months ago are finally becoming a cliché and honestly this is becoming irritating.

Sorry to disappoint anyone who read my very first blog post last year in November because I mentioned the Gym. Uhm nah I don’t want to remind you of that because it’s better for me if you don’t remember *laughs*. I don’t want to be judged as not a man of my words.

Let’s get back to the remarks. Sometime this year, my dad’s aunt visited us. You can agree with me that old people can be so blunt at times, maybe just Zambian grandparents. It had really been almost 2 years since I last saw her. Since I am a slim fit lover, and I am slim, the only thing this granny could notice is how much weight I had lost. Of course she could have said this in a funny way, but every grandchild knows a point has already been made in that case. “Look how small your waist is” Translate that into Bemba. Man! she made me feel like I was an AIDS patient, no offence to those people, but in all honesty, I felt that way. I almost felt like being slim was unacceptable or something. This part of society is utter bullshit.

So the remarks went on and on, I could have put up with them, but not until recently. The latest remark is what really got to my nerves. This woman visited my mother and seeing me fix myself a plate for lunch, she went on to say “Aquila, such little food, which is probably why you don’t get fat”. This looks innocent in writing, but if you are Zambian you can agree that it’s like you eat to get fat and again being fat doesn’t suggest being necessarily obese. In other words she meant, you should be eating enough to gain some weight, because your physical appearance is not right. See? This is another society stereotype. You can’t be thin, it is not normal, but also again they will tell you, you can’t be fat, it’s never normal. So what the hell is normal then? I don’t believe in it.

I don’t even know if that is some sort of beauty standard to them, but all that matters to me is that I am happy with what I look like. I don’t appreciate how society takes away your personal preference and ‘coerces’ you into complying with its standards. Do you know how many beautiful structured women are starving themselves so they can look like the model on the cover of vogue or on TV or men will not pursue them? Society wants them to believe that men only desire slender women, but last time I checked, one man’s meat was another man’s poison. We are all being drugged into believing these assumptions and we are too hypnotised to resist.

Screw those Magazines that present to you ‘Sexiest Man/Woman’. What the hell is that even supposed to mean? Look at it this way, the only people that will make it to the cover of that magazine is a small percentage of people who are considered to have the qualities of being ‘too sexy’. Does this mean the rest of the world is not good enough? Since the rest of us are not good enough, should we go and get facial jobs to look like those people? What the hell? I have never seen such crappy media. We are even there to vote for people to get those titles, blind enough not to see other people being judged as “not good enough”

I don’t believe in beauty and ugly all together. I believe everyone is beautiful in any way they prefer. You will hear words like “not good enough”, but trust me there’s no such thing we perceive as perfection. I will admit though that I really love the fact Lupita Ny’ong’o was named ‘most beautiful woman’ by People Magazine. I mean according to your T.V standards, she couldn’t even have been recognised, but it took rational people who saw beyond a fake perception of beauty and realised beauty could be defined in a million ways.

Many people are led to believe that Light skinned people are always winning, that you are not really beautiful if your skin is dark. That again is some bullshit. People are led into some society pressure of using chemicals that will make their skin lighter forgetting there are side effects involved. I believe that true beauty is natural beauty, doesn’t matter if you are Asian, White, Mixed, Black or Hispanic. Like Jermaine Cole once said, there is no need to fix what God already put a paint brush on.

Your movies make you believe that all men should be muscular. Every guy should look like Morris Chestnut. You are not sexy without a six pac. If you don’t feel like going to the gym bro, don’t even bother. Your muscles won’t keep your woman, but your personality and vision for your future. Again if you want to be muscular, there is nothing wrong with your choice. Remember, it should be about you and not what others think unless you are convinced they are right. I am not for the idea of going topless in public, but I admire Rick Ross’ attitude. How many men of his weight would be so proud of their body that way? I am not saying you now go and post pictures on Instagram showing your pot belly because this society still needs healing or just a purge, but I want you to know that if you love it that way, love it more. Trust me, society will one day flip the coin and say, pot bellies is the new sexy and every guy will go looking for one.

Ladies it is normal for you to easily get plump, but if it goes beyond proportion, it will be your choice to slim down and not done to please the world. I felt disgusted when Rob Kardashian’s weight gain became such a huge fuss, online. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Gaining weight doesn’t make you any stupid, stupidity lies in your mind.

I am so tired of people acting so inconsiderate; I am tired of some of these beauty standards. I have reached a point where I don’t even care if someone decides to believe I lack the qualities of what they call beauty because what matters is what I see in the mirror. I am not even cheeky or a narcissist. Pragmatically, no individual applied to God asking Him to make them some type of way and that is why at times I feel unnecessary plastic surgery is blasphemy. If God really thought you were ugly, he wouldn’t have possibly created you because God never created ugly -well unless you are Lucifer. Let’s just appreciate what we are. Everyone is beautiful and if we can all believe this, we won’t even care about society’s measuring rule.

You have no one to live up to. “Oh I got to look like Ronaldo”, or “I have to bleach my skin so men like me better”. No No No. Appreciate who you are because beauty standards are Just crap. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. What your eye sees in the mirror.
God bless you, thanks for reading and don’t forget to hit one of the share buttons below.

NB: You can read Beauty Standards are Bullshit part 1 by Belle Jar, Here

Televison and internet is the mirror society forces you to use

LET’S TOUR YOUR MIND

Your thoughts govern your life – Aquila Ng’onga

Hello mate, pull out a chair, sit back and relax and…. I think you expected ENJOY as the next word, but that’s alright. Since this is 2014, btw the only dude that kissed the S5 (yeah that is a big deal for him), I need not ask for your keys (keys? Pshhh), or your password (well you know, password’s much better), but!!! , Your fingerprint- to unlock your mind.

Thank you, how cooperative of you. I also want you to know that I refuse to judge you as gullible, but instead I choose to respect this trust you have exhibited. One last thing, don’t freak out, don’t freak out. Now close your eyes and yes I hope you enjoy my ride in your mind as I hope the same for myself.

3 minutes later

Good news, thanks to your fingerprint I was promptly cleared by immigration. Bad news, as big as your mind is, there are only two streets: Positivity and negativity streets. And you guessed right, I was only allowed to start from Negativity Street thanks to your soldiers
.
“Negativity Street or we throw you out Akil”

“My name’s Aquila”

“Akil, Aquila, whatever, Negativity street it is.”

Wow, mean people there. They all sound like Terry Crews.

So far, it has not been easy to navigate through your mind. I can hardly move 2 inches without a police road block. Wait, here comes the fifth officer; I have to meet in less than 10 inches of my journey. His name is officer Melancholy. He is such a devastated individual. With a soft voice he asks me to pull over. He is so pathetic but don’t be fooled as he is also powerful. He grows bigger by the second and I doubt he will disappear soon enough for me to leave. After something that seems like 5 hours though it’s only been 30 minutes, this dude disappears and I speed off before he resurfaces. I am told he appears a lot often.

Negativity Street is not your average street. It’s like a street in India filled with hundreds of people- you just can’t move through at your own speed or maybe it’s like a third world country road wounded with potholes that won’t allow you to make it to your destination at your time of convenience. Now that you get the picture, brace yourself I am about to meet officer doubt.

Officer doubt I’m told appears at this point at least once a day. I learn that she set herself a record of longest appearance at the time you applied for your accountancy Job (Coincidental? I think not.) She also has the nature of growing so big suddenly. I am fortunate because she lets me go past in good time.

It’s worth noting that there exists besties in your mind. Guess who they are? No, it’s actually despair aka incredulity, aka disbelief and officer doubt. The way they coexist is simply amazing. If you get a quick pass from doubt, be sure to get the same from despair. They kind of appear and disappear at the same time. They are like conjoined twins joined to the same heart.

Well mate, I can tell you it’s been no crystal stair confronting all these officers, but having met worry, I believe things can get worse in Negativity Street. Maybe next time I will fill you in on the confrontations I had with pain, depression, pessimism…. OMG I feel so weary, I need to rest.

Positivity Street

I am now strong enough to continue the rest of the tour. You will be pleased that the best part of your mind is so welcoming and comforting. I can’t see any cops over here. It is a free world. The first individual I met here is was a dude playing happy by Pharrell Williams in his car. It’s funny because his name is actually happiness, aka joy, aka bliss, aka elation, aka… Dude relax. He has so many akas, but all we should know is he is happy.

Unfortunately happiness appears and disappears in such short intervals. Since he is much sweeter than guys like despair and melancholy, I wonder why he doesn’t occur more often like them. I am already enjoying the small talk me and him are having. I hear despair, pain, worry, sorrow among others can’t mind their business, but usually threaten happiness to disappear.

After happiness is taken away from the scene, Hope quickly comes over to console me who takes me to Faith mall where we get some lunch. At Faith mall, hope grows so big I feel elation instantly. Hope and faith expands most at your prayers.

In comes a really beautiful girl in the café. Hope introduces me to her as serenity. She smiles so nice. She looks so immaculate. You see, I could forfeit the rest of the tour just to keep looking in her face. She also has a twin sister named Peace aka tranquillity. These two sisters are the calmest beings I have ever met in your mind. They talk so gracefully.

Faith mall is like the pillar of Positivity Street and everyone here looks dependant on him. I am so pleased to have met optimism
.
Your Positivity Street is so short compared to your negativity one. Faith and optimism said it is up to you to make it longer, but mostly you choose to expand Negativity Street.

I wish I could continue, but all good things do meet an end. I enjoyed touring your mind; I hope you enjoyed having me in there too. You can now have your eyes open.

These cops in your mind made my navigation impossible.

Free your mind today

Always aim to expand your positivity street.

It’s all up to you to choose.You either expand positivity or negativity