The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,000 times in 2014. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 3 trips to carry that many people.
At the end of 2013, I made it clear that I had no resolutions to make and i would like to maintain the same with regards to 2015. Not that I was or am i impeccable, but i just couldn’t keep lying to myself or maybe force change upon myself. I remember breaking a resolution in the very first week of 2011. So I don’t plan for change anymore and it has worked for me. I’m actually proud to say that i grow better each year.
2014,yeah ? There is no way we can all experience a year the same way. I mean for some of you, it was such a prosperous year, to others a weird and confusing one. Some of you thought were not God’s favourite (i thought the same at some point). Others found love, a job, joined a new school, moved to a new country. The gist is 2014 treated us all differently.
The usual events we can never escape; Weddings, deaths, births e.t.c. did occur. I know you are reading this because you are alive, so take a moment to just thank God for bringing you this far. I mean personally, i consider myself to be the worst Christian and that does really compel me to thank God for always putting a sinner such as I on the list of the living each and every day I have lived.
Death? Yes it has deprived us all as Zambians, deprived us of our beloved president. Even as I look at the remaining politicians fighting for power, I know deep down my heart that no other politician touched me as profoundly as Michael Chilufya Sata did. Anyway, Come 2015, let us decide wisely and peacefully as usual.
“P.Jay! Really? Just when you could have crossed the bridge? Listening to your songs and realising you are late is really disconcerting”.
May the soul of every loved one we lost this year rest in peace.
Okay now wipe your tears, it’s almost a new year. How about a smile? 🙂
Asking different people what their 2015 plan is, a mutual answer to get is the urge to start over. Do not misunderstand me there is nothing wrong with making resolutions, i just don’t believe in forcing change and besides, I don’t think it works a hundred percent for me. So if you really want to change, remain dedicated to your quest and be true to yourself.
My lifetime resolution however, has been to get closer to God each and every day, trust me it has never been easy. I am proud to say though that I’ve had a much better relationship with God this year than any other, but towards the end, it became compromised because I went through so much. I wanted to give up on God. I was upset that I couldn’t get my prayers answered. God tells us that we should ask and it will be given and I did that in the best way i could, but No was the answer. Everyone else seemed to be running on smooth ground, but me.
Have you ever put in so much and get so little or nothing at all in return? Yes i have been to hell and back in 2014. But then my hell couldn’t be compared to yours. It couldn’t be compared to myriads of people who suffered and died of Ebola, or those children in Pakistan who recently got killed, or maybe the people that one day got on a plane which decided to just ‘land’ in the Indian Ocean never to be found.
The healing is gradual and i understand that everything that happens according to God’s plan is in our best interest. If we realised the magnitude of God’s love for us, gratitude would ever be our anthem. I have also learned that there is a solution to everything so avoid panic attacks.
Ignoring failures and setbacks, so many awesome things have happened this year. We had a massive successful motivational talk back in April. I don’t even mean to brag, but we did organise donations too. I thank Byness and Kanta who really supported me on the major mission and all other colleagues who shared a similar vision during these projects by coming out to support me. One day (by His Grace) i want to be a philanthropist. I am scheduled to have my first radio interview this week .I was elated when the people at the old mosque informed me that my article had helped them get discovered by sponsors who promised to refurbish their building. Wow! I came close to meeting Dr. Kenneth Kaunda on a personal level, but then i screwed up my chance. I have vowed since to grab every chance that comes my way. I have written articles for newspapers. Hell! , my blog was new, but you guys voted it Best in the country, and the best new blog. I feel blessed. I want to do everything i can to move this blogging forward, to improve the reading culture in Zambia. My dream is to one day see Zambians excited about a new blog post like they are about a new song. Reading widely will transform our generation.
I feel humbled when people say “Hey, Aquila, I started a blog because of you”. I hope to inspire more people in 2015. It all comes to you the readers, if you can’t read there is no point in our writing and I thank you so much. Every new people i met both online and in person thanks for being a part of my life. I wish you all a blessed and prosperous new year.
In 2015 the search should be over, i should find her, hopefully. 😉
In retrospect, not only did that catastrophe leave her devastated, it had also produced a strong woman in Jennifer. She was only 22, but her résumé left her over qualified for a sufferer. Five years ago is as fresh as a wound inflicted by the canine of a lion. Maxwell may have died, but she sees him each time she looks at her little boy. She can then afford a smile.
So many things have happened ever since the unfortunate incident. Oceans had poured out of her eyes. It was never healthy for an expectant woman. The worst months of her life she may have called them. She could talk to herself. The strange part was she had seen no one from Max’s family show up. Not even his parents.
“Maxwell, Oh my dear Maxwell. Why did you have to leave me? You promised me of a future together. You swore never to leave me. I wish our son could take a look at you. Who will ever teach him to be a real man like you were?” She could lament endlessly.
Her hallucinations were her refuge. If only RIP meant return if possible.
As soon as she had conceived, she had embarked on a mission to complete school. Her friends were talking university now, some could mock her. She never imagined completing school a year later. She imagined how different things would have been if she had never signed up for Facebook. Yet again, she could not have met Max; in that way it was worth it. However, complete school she did and now in university pursuing Public Administration. She is really a tough cookie. Most people never get up to their feet.
Her therapist had suggested that the best way to heal was to share her story, specifically through writing. She knew this could be easy as her journal could easily be her first draft.
She had decided to tell her story and plan to her philosophy lecturer who had seemed both touched and supportive. His name was Mr Zulu, but insisted Jenifer call him Paul. Paul was a young man in his early thirties. He was nice, understanding and kind ever since she moved into campus. She was confident he would help her out. He had agreed to help her publish her book and also for her to ask him if she needed anything just during her stay in campus.
Paul and Jennifer grew so close at times it was impossible to hide this during lectures. Her mates could tease her about how she liked Paul. Paul was not married at all. Jennifer could see Paul was so attracted to her. She thought she was blessed for always meeting good men. Actually, her little boy’s 5th birthday party was actually all on him. She did like Paul, but not enough to be with him. She always thought she would betray Max had she gone out with another dude. Even after 5 years, she was not over her first love.
Fast forward: Two years later
Now in their final year, Mary her friend had noticed this relationship had never progressed. Jenny was clearly lucky to have a guy like Paul around her. Why would she not give him a chance? Mary always wondered.
“So I know it’s none of my beeswax, but I can’t help but notice you kinda are avoiding Paul in some way. Listen Jenny, you should consider yourself a very lucky girl. After all that has occurred in your life, you are still blessed enough to have a good guy pursuing you. Why not give him a chance?” Mary asked.
Jennifer remained silent for a while.
“I appreciate your concerns Mary, but you don’t understand it is not that easy” Jenny said
“I know you still think about Max, but you have to move on. Max will never come back. Remember you are growing older. Before you know it, no more men will pursue you. I’m sure Max would be happy to know you found true love” Mary said softly
She stormed off to the bathroom.
“Max will never come back”. Those words from Mary’s speech hurt her so much. She still thought he would come back. In the bathroom, she shed rivers. “Max would be happy to know you found true love”. She kept thinking about Mary’s words. She eventually realised her friend was right, but she wasn’t totally convinced.
The next day, Paul informed her that the book was being printed in the US by his friend who had agreed to market her book globally because it was a huge story. She felt so elated. She couldn’t conceal her excitement. She hugged Max tightly and thanked him for everything he had done for her.
“Anytime” was all Paul said to her.
Paul had convinced her to re-activate her Facebook account as these were NEW BEGINNINGS. Everyone was glad to comment welcome back when she made her first post. She felt so happy after a long time. She knew she owe her happiness to Paul, he had been through it all with her. Maybe it was time to give him a chance.
She was to graduate in two months and the pressure from her peers coercing her to date Paul was increasing by the day.
“You know what, just give Paul to me if you do not want him. There is no way you can overlook such a handsome, educated and wealthy man after you”, another of her friends joked around.
All her friends laughed, including Jennifer.
Maybe it was time. Maybe she could ask him out herself because the only reason she thought he never did (officially) was because he was shy. Anyway, lucky for him, his actions had spoken myriads for him.
So she invited him for dinner the next week. Good thing her roommate had gone home for the weekend and so she had the room to herself. They talked for a long time and later watched a movie. It was so romantic; she had never imagined any of this to happen to her after losing Max. She hoped she hadn’t betrayed him, she hoped he could understand.
Later on, he thanked her for the nicely cooked dinner and the time well spent and was about to leave. They embraced, but never to both let go. She kissed him on his lips and he responded quite well. Her chest against his, this thing was leading to another. She started to help him shed off his jacket. She had only done it once her whole life, but she was in such control. She realised this part of her being had been left unattended to for a long time and all her feelings and cravings came rushing back at her. They began to overpower her.
Like a flash of lightening or maybe suddenly, Paul pulled away quickly and held back his jacket to restore it to its previous position.
“I’m so sorry, I can’t do this. I have to leave. Please have a goodnight” He said awkwardly with no eye contact.
Jennifer was left in shock. How and why could he resist her? Had she began getting old like Mary once said? No she was still perfect. She had a banging body. No one could have ever guessed she was a mother. Why did Paul act that way? Was he gay? She was in complete perturbation.
The next day when she saw him, never had she imagined having an awkward moment with Paul. He said “hi” frantically and walked away. She wanted to apologise for instigating that act the previous night. Their relationship took a very crazy shift until two months later on her graduation day. She could never have guessed this even if she had hope.
She was glad to have graduated with a merit, and was asked to give a speech to inspire everyone that whatever they went through, they could still stand on their feet and be stable again. Her speech was so touching and everyone wanted to shake her hand after.
She couldn’t believe what she saw next. She beheld a familiar face. She had imagined this, but she had never really believed it. Was this day playing tricks on her mind? Her mother held her firmly and told her to be strong.
She saw a man she had known a while back and who in his hands held her son. Was her hallucination back? She saw Paul standing next to him. He smiled at her. She stood frozen like a statue.
“Maxwell Hernandez is that you? She asked in a soft voice.
She had a very huge expression of shock on her face.
“In the flesh”, he smiled her.
She was so overcome by shock, she passed out. When she awakened, she was in Maxwell’s arms.
“I know you think I died, but I have a lot to tell you” he said.
So Maxwell on the day of the car crush had dropped into a comma. His mother was quickly alerted of the situation and had found a way to instruct the doctor that her son had died in the eyes of the girl and her family. The following week, Max was moved to the UK were he could receive treatment. Max’s mum was a snob. She never wanted Max to marry low and when she had heard (from her spies) that her son was seeing a girl of not quite her ideal class, she was in such indignation.
The car crush was a plus to her. She had to ‘save’ her son from what she thought was a curse of bonding with people that lacked a social status. Apparently, she had suggested he marry the governor’s daughter, but clearly he went against her plans.
Paul was smart enough to solve this puzzle. After Maxwell had helped him complete his education, he had always believed to have owe Max one. When he realised Jennifer fitted the description of Max’s girl he had vowed to take care of her until such a time he could help the two reunite. The time was finally here. He had told Max about this and they both agreed the best day for the reunion was her graduation day.
Jennifer was so overwhelmed she couldn’t believe this, but was overjoyed to look Max in his eyes again. Her son’s father was back.It was like the demised love of her life had heard her cries and decided to resurrect. She now understood why Paul had always acted the way he did. He definitely was their son’s god father and the best man on their wedding the following month. Her book was a best seller. Could things be any better?
Let’s just say they lived happily ever after.
Facebook helps you connect….. Why could she?… finish reading that welcome message? She was finally here; she simply wanted to be a part of the most popular topic in class. She just wanted to sign up for Facebook. What she never pictured was she didn’t actually sign up for Facebook, she had signed up for an escapade she would never ever live to forget, but that was 5 years ago.
Upload a profile picture. She was so ready for this step for she had already taken a photo we now call a selfie-thanks to her 3.2 mega pixels Nokia 8900. So that’s how Facebook added a new user, Jennifer ‘Cute Girl’ Phiri.
At least 5 friend requests daily every week make her feel so excited, the excitement is unbearable. Yes, Guys are always after her in real time, but this online attention is so special, it is so tempting. She feels like the only girl sought after in the world. “Hello Beautiful”, “Hi my love”, “Hey I just wanted to say you have a beautiful profile photo” and then came the freaks, “Hey sexy, I want to……hmm the comments and likes on her photos. At first most of the guys could get replies to their messages, but now there are just too many to reply to and oh freaks got no replies by the way.
After two months, Maxwell Hernandez was the only guy that came close to her expectations. Ever since he acquired her line, he had incessantly called her ‘appropriately’. She viewed him as a sweet guy, he only knew how he really viewed her. According to Max, he had just graduated from university and was working for a construction firm as a managing supervisor. In her last grade, Jennifer had scored a hat trick.
Now all that left was their official meeting and the D-day did come. Max was working in her town for the weekend and as a ‘gentleman’ could afford some time off with her. She shyly agreed, but remained overpowered by arousal and anxiety. She thought about the steamy episodes they had on phone, the texting. What if he was a murderer? Well then, he must be a special one, one who sparks her emotions to life, her longings, cravings and desires (of every kind-all at once) into existence. Would she be willing to do it for the first time if all got out of hand? What if this, what if that? These questions were literally rhetorical in her mind’s play-field and she was well aware of that, but like Katy Perry, it’s no big deal, it’s no big deal, Max was finally here. It’s like she had known him forever.
Max did no discredit to Jennifer at all, he actually looked better and attractive than the man he was in the photos they shared. She concealed her excitement, well at least for now. She didn’t want to get sold out, because Max on the other hand seemed ready to buy, and buy heavily he would. He was quite the gentleman though. Usually, in a maintained status quo, the first thing most guys want to do is embrace the girl, but Max, Max on the other hand, kissed her hand softly like he had met a princess.
“I’m Max, it is an honour to finally meet such a beauty”, he said slowly in such a composed and most romantic matter while stretching from the bow.
He was so tall and well built. She now hoped he could hug her next, but this was Max,a guy whose actions spoke for his being different from every other guy. Jennifer just couldn’t believe how lucky she was. She felt lucky before he even asked her out. <— That is such a statement to draw a concrete inference from, on its own.
Max made her day simple, but so outstanding in so many ways. They conversed endlessly and he asked so many questions about her. You could see he wanted to know so much more about this girl. He was into her. After 4 hours, there was no difference between a minute and an hour. It was soon time to part and Jennifer was astonished to note there was no kiss planted on her lips, but her forehead. Later that night on the phone, he told her he respected her so much and would like to kiss her at the very right time. According to him, she was so honourable. At this point, Jennifer knew that he was the one, but she had still met him on Facebook. What did it matter anyway? Thanks Mark Zuckerberg?
Jennifer was always happy. She couldn’t let her friends know yet. She had no time for judgements, but she could take envy, admiration and jealousy anytime without giving half a damn. No one, but Max knew the answer to why her grades had improved. His appeal and charm wasn’t the only influence he had on her, he made it clear that her education and not he should be first at that point.
We could call them three months of acquaintanceship, Jennifer would call it three months in utopia. Last month on her birthday, Max could have had bought her any gift in the world, but because theirs was a clandestine relationship, a small gift was appropriate. On that day, she had also given to him her womanly prized possession. After giving it such a deep thought, she decided it was best she let Max deflower her.
Another meeting was scheduled during her second term holiday, less than a month after her birthday. She told her mum she was going out with her friends for a picnic and would be back later in the afternoon, but God knew Max had arranged to take her out of town. She found him waiting at their spot standing with his back against his BMW (i don’t know what version it was, but it was fancy) , one hand in the pocket, flowers in the other. If her dreams had never come true, her favourite romantic movie had.
“Ready for the road trip?” he asked with a smile.
“Always ready for any road trip that you’re the driver”, she smiled back to expose firstly her nice white teeth and the two neat holes God placed on both her cheeks.
“Come on then, let’s roll, let me drive you crazy”
Both laughed.
They sang along to speeding as Max did 200KMs per hour. Every other road user looked amazed as two lively souls sang on top of their voices like they were from a world outside. All was going well, all was as smooth as it could be. No one saw it coming, how would they, they were embedded in the moment. A truck was headed in their direction. It gradually approached them innocently as they did, but both at their best speed. No one could have imagined this, but a few meters away from them, this Volvo truck lost control. It left its lane and was about to hit the BMW, but Max quickly swerved away. At this point he was a hero, but he just avoided one obstacle only to hit into another on the other side. He hit right into the truck’s trailer which also seemed to hit into them.
Hours later, Jennifer woke up with blurred sight. She couldn’t recall what happened. With immense effort, she realised she was in a hospital. Her mother was looking over her. What in her world was happening? Shocked or confused couldn’t describe how she felt. She was about to switch off realty when she remembered Max.
“Max, Max, Maxwell” she screamed. The doctor on the other hand was familiar with this episode and came over to give her a sedative. After 3 weeks she came to swallow the hard truth that Max had died in the car crush. She couldn’t believe it. She felt so weak and nauseated and puke she did. How would something so beautiful suddenly turn into a nightmare? She could keep passing out, but denial is what kept her on. She never imagined this to be happening. In her mind, Max was immortal, he was there to complete her life,he was her partner. He was the love of her life. It isn’t how long you have been with someone that makes it real, it is the moments and the actions of love they extend to you. Max was one person who had showed her what love was in such a short time. He had never manipulated her as his position often demands in most men. He was older and more experienced than her, but never used this to his advantage. He was her brother, her best friend, her guide, her mentor, her boyfriend, but Max was now gone, He was dead. 😦 You don’t know what pain is.
Her parents couldn’t find the time to be mad at her, when they learnt that her non terminating puking was because she was almost two months pregnant. Jenifer’s father to her child had died. She couldn’t go back to school. She had so much to handle. She forgot a thing like Facebook ever existed. It was no longer her daily routine. Her mind always read, Maxwell and ‘their’ unborn baby. Who would take care of her unborn baby? How would she explain to her parents how she met Max? How would her friends ever believe her? She would one day have to explain to her child were the Father was. Would she have the strength? All these questions would have to be answered one day.
TO BE CONTINUED, WELL MAYBE 😦
LET AQUILA SPEAK 